Im Pumped!

For the first time in a long time, actually more than a month Im starting to feel better. I started weight watchers with the idea that I would learn portion control more over losing weight and if the weight comes off then that was a bonus.
It has been a struggle, and with the holiday season coming up, parties, cookies and cocktails this WILL be a real trying time for me.
My plan is simple, if I want it I will have it, but only one.
And if I get totally off track then I will suck it in and start anew the next day.
I do have to admit that it will be nice to shop for a new dress this spring! Hopefully with stamina, determination, and a little help from myself this will happen!

On getting older

This is the second time Ive put this posting in because I was stupid and forgot to save it last time. This is all part of getting older.
Im sick of it, I do not want no part of it!
I forget things, I fall over things, I dont care if I get laid, I drag my ass out of bed and I have parts of my body which have given up on me.
Anyone who has known me over the years will agree that I can be a little much to deal with. I am loud, have alot of opinions about things and simply try like hell to get what I want daily.
Im proud of this, it took 50 years to master this one.
When I was in my teens, I simply did not care about what I wanted all I did was please others. I worried daily about how I looked, who my date was going to be for Saturday night and if my boobs looked good.
When I was in my 20's all I worried about was my kids and parents. This was the peak of my years, I looked good, I had a nice hourglass figure, I got hit on by men all the time and it was wonderful.
When I got into my 30's it was boring as hell. I didnt get carded anymore at the liquor store and I knew then I was going to be in trouble. I spent most of my time trying to change my husband into what I wanted him to be and realized by the end of my 30's that simply just wasnt going to happen. I also came into my opinionated years. I yelled at people, I told friends what I thought of their clothes, cars and kids and lost quite a few of them simply because I became a bitch.
When I hit 40 I started to gain strength from my friends. I found ones who didnt care that I had a voice, asked my opinion on what I thought and my husband found out if he didnt behave well I meant it when I said "im outta here".
I started to have a real feeling for him that went beyond love as well. He became my best friend, my soulmate and I just plain realized that he was so special I couldn't function without him.
Then late 40's came the kids moved out, I learned that cocktail hour was fun, and it seemed like all was going to be ok. I also thought, getting older wont be so bad!
Then 50 came, so what I thought I got the world by the balls. Hell no, I have things hanging down, pieces of my body falling off, and I cannot seem to remember names so good anymore.
I spend alot more time than I want complaining to my friends and family about health, and wishing I could spend more time in the spa.
There are a few good things that did happen when I turned 50:
I have a great car.
I have some money now.
I dont care what people think AT ALL.
And I can go and do what I want when I want.
So bring on the 60's maybe I will have an affair, go get a tatoo, or maybe even buy a Harley, Im due.

I hope this was it!

With all the expectations of the H1N1 and the fears of getting it I am proud to say I'm over it.

Started out as a cold, went into the flu, and took away time in the fall that I love to spend doing something else besides being sick.

I am not a 100% yet but I feel there is a glimmer of hope that I will make it through. Being 50 years of age I tend to worry more about getting sick. My body is not what it used to be. It takes me longer to get somewhere, get motivated in mornings, and get up from sofa. I have never been an athletic person, but always felt I was an active person. I am also an early riser and do not sleep well at night, never did.

I do not know for sure where we got this crud but we are pretty sure that Jim brought it home from work. Technically he was not sick first but was pretty pissed off when he found out others were going to his workplace with flu. What drives people to work when they are sick? Do they not have any respect for others? In this day and age of scary pandemics, flu that will kill, and bacteria that live for 4 days on a dollar bill, don't they get it? Are they retarded? Do they feel that just because they have it nobody else will get it? Answer me this, I'm curious to find out what kind of upbringing they had to make them so bad as not to care about others.

With this all said I am happy in a way that we got it. It means it is a load off and we survived it. If this was NOT the H1N1 that we had recently and still sort of have, then I am very fearful of what it may be coming yet as it could get worse that this?

Going to doctor and having him tell you by deduction that just because you had seasonal flu shot and have the flu now is good enough for me that it was H1N1. And guess what, we BOTH stayed home from work! Surprise, surprise...

We worried that maybe we might infect others, we worried about our children and made them stay away, we worried that maybe our neighbors and friends might get it.

This is a funny virus. It starts out as a cold, making you think that in a couple of days you will get better. Then it creeps in with the respiratory cough, so bad that times you think that you may cough out a lung or worse die from drowning in phlegm.

I am still blowing snot, and occasionally coughing up stuff but I feel that my life is going to finally get back to normal after 9 days and things are looking up.

I live in fear for the past 5 years of Oct and November. I love fall, Halloween, and this time of year but always seem to come up with one ailment or another. If not the flu, then a cold, if not a cold then a sprained ankle or better yet cellulitis.

My daughter Emily is getting married next Oct I wonder what that will bring. If I have an uneventful fall next year besides the wedding then I think after the wedding I will book that carribean cruise that I always wanted to go on because rest assured I made it thru another October/November without incident and that calls for celebration.

Harry the Treeman

I'm not one to see a miracle everyday or experience them frequently like some but I do have a story that will make you see your miracle today.

Last Monday I hired Harry. Harry is my mothers tree/handyman who comes highly recommended by all who have him do their odd jobs. Harry is a simple but yet very complicated man who has philosophy on life, knows his lineage better than anyone I know, and also very dedicated to anything he puts his hand to. I had him hired to trim up my " Old Man Tree" a large 75 ft oak tree that we just could not see die. The birds love the tree, we love to look up into the tree while on our patio. We also wanted him to remove an American Elm who is invading another oak tree on the property. This one has been a thorn in our side since we came to live on the property in 1983 but had also decided to die off slowly thus the removal.

When I came home from work I could not believe my eyes, Harry was up in the oak tethered from his bungee/harness hanging from limb to limb armed with a small handsaw, chainsaw on his hip and a long saw. I was truly amazed watching him but also at times felt like I could not watch him for fear he may fall. I became very comfortable after about 15 minutes standing out in the wind and dreary day. Harry had a helper with him this day a man who was recently layed off from work and this man stood below the tree waiting for branches and piling them off to the side as the work continued. When Harry was done with the oak he moved his equipment over to the elm. He uses a ladder instead of tree spikes because he told me that tree spikes hurt the tree and he did not want to hurt the tree.

Jim my hubby came home just before Harry went up the elm and they met each other, conversed for a while. Harry was eating his lunch which consisted of a small sandwich before he tackled the last of his duty. We watched as he put the ladder up against the elm and climbed up the tree. I stepped back towards the back of the house and Jim stood just watching Harry bounce around up in the elm, removing some of the branches from the oak who shared the space along side of the elm. I commented to Jim on how amazing it was to see Harry work and Jim responded " I would hate to do CPR on someone today" in reference to his awe on Harry's gymnastics. Just as I was getting ready to turn the corner I heard Jim say " Oh my God he fell!" and I responded "Shut up".

I looked and saw Harry hanging from his harness from the tree like a rag doll. I just stood there not really knowing what to think and almost thought to myself Harry is just hanging there to wait from help from the boys to get him down. I then walked over and his helper and Jim had ladders up against the tree and climbing to get Harry down. I turned around and there was my nephew Josh which surprised me and asked what he was doing there and he responded that he wanted to hunt and came to ask permission. I then went up to Harry hanging and said to him "Harry you make a good Halloween prop up there" but Harry hung there eyes half open, with his body shaking in little quakes. I ran for the house to find my phone to dial 911.

As I came back out I saw the guys up in ladders trying to get Harry's body around and on the ladder and wondered to myself how we were going to get him down from the tree and unharnessed before the paramedics came. Just as I was ready to dial 911 Harry came "back alive" and I say that literally because that is what happened to Harry. You see, Harry had come in contact with a power line just out from the elm as he proceeded to throw the branch he had in his hand out not to hit the Halloween display I had below him. Upon doing this Harry caught 7500 volts thru his hand and it followed his body and out his legs. I did not see him make contact with the high line but Jim did. Harry managed to get onto the ladder on his own and make it down to the ground with some assistance. He then asked us what happened to him. We told him and it was like he was living in a dream, he kept asking over and over again what happened to him.

I begged him to let me take him to the ER and have him checked out as he has a burn to his left hand, and a large lump on his head. I checked him over and realized when he came down he hit his head, and scraped his leg a bit as he had some blood on his pants. We all stood there for what seemed like an eternity and in the meantime Harry seemed like he saw death. He made a comment to his worker " Well that makes eleven" I'm not sure what that meant but I'm sure he had a few mishaps as a tree man that he didn't want to get into at the moment.

After much begging for him to not continue he proceeded to climb back up in the tree and get the elm cut down and blocked up. He packed up his tools and came to the house so I could pay him. He stood in our kitchen and he looked like he had cheated death another day. He kept asking Jim what happened and really wanted every detail of his demise.

I called Harry just the other night to see how he was doing and it seems that he has some sores on his left leg that were exit wounds from the electricity exiting his body, his head was better and he has since been back to work cutting trees. Harry informed he had a conversation with a retired EMT who told him that that voltage stopped his heart he was a miracle to be alive but what saved him was what really surprised us. Seems the jolt from the fall with his harness on what such a bounce that it jump started his heart again. Jim told me he took quite a fall and he was more worried when Harry fell due to the sudden jolt of the harness that he thought that maybe Harry would have internal damage. He did tell Harry that he would be sore next day due to the harness jolt more than the electricity but Harry said the sores to his wrist and legs were more of a concern to him.

My take on this incident was more than just a miracle for us and for Harry but I do think there were other things that day that made it what it was. Harry's respect for living things, his care in helping others, and his courage to do his job day to day is what makes this story special. You see, the trees in my yard I do believe have some magic, as all living things. Whether it is God, Spirit or just mother earth someone was watching out for all us that day. We have since contacted the electric company about the high line so close to the trees, cleaned up the mess left in the yard and had a brush fire on one of our beautiful fall nights left in October. The month of October has always been one of the turning points for us and our family. Something always seems to "happen" in one form or another during this time of year but I hope we never repeat this sort of thing again.

Halloween Tricks and Treats

Samhain Serving Blessing

Taken from Halloween by Raven Silverwolf

When preparing your meal for Halloween keep in mind you are honoring the dead and the loved ones who will be missed. If you should have in mind to honor them at your dinner set a place for them and treat it like you have them with you in body not only in spirit.

One of my favorite blessings this time of year comes from a book I own and use quite frequently in October by Silver Ravenwolf entitled Halloween. Raven has written many books and I do own quite a few of them and find them very uplifting and spiritual.

The blessing goes as follows:

The golden rays of sun kissed the grain,

Sweet drops of rain caressed the fruit

Streams of moonlight danced in the fields

Sending energy in the root.

Blessing of the Mother

Strength of the Father

Unity of Love

So mote it be.

Make the equal sign of the cross over the dish and serve the dish with a smile!

Wearing of certain symbols

With this time of year I wear certain pieces of my jewelry. In the past few days I have debated on whether or not to wear my spiritual pieces. I have bought many over the past 7 years and my favorite still is my pentacle necklace. Its a small piece in silver with a pentacle insignia inside of it. Fairly small but still noticeable to all especially when I wear black. I debated not wearing it only for the fact that last year I received comments about this piece. I get all sorts of questions like, "isn't that the devils sign", "are you a witch?", and my favorite comment of all..." you are going to hell wearing that sort of thing".
I have thought about all of this and it came to light when I read the story about the hate crime definitions piece that my daughter posted on face book.
When is it going to be comfortable, easy, or at least OK to be yourself in this country? When I wear my jewelry it is no more unusual than wearing a crucifix, star of David, or a talisman. I have stones that are always hand picked by myself as well with significant meanings and never did I ever get questioned about these when they were attached to my body. They have no insignias or signs on them but still have purpose known only to me and certain others.
Not all know that the significance of wearing a pentacle is to give homage to the 5 elements held dear by Pagans, Witches, and Earth bound religions. Fire, Air, Earth, Water and of course Spirit are the 5 points all good and needed elements for anyone dominating this planet. It doesnt mean I am sacrificing small animals, burning fires, or even preforming rituals. Rituals is another blog that I wont get into now as I have done them but only for good.
One of my favorite stones/pendants is my Crystal wand which called to me in a small shop that used to be open in Sauk Rapids years ago by a wonderful woman who truly believed in more than selling items. I could walk in there and ask her for help with whatever I needed help with at the time and she knew exactly what to use, where to put it, and when to remove it. I can honestly say I never received that kind of spiritual healing or help with everyday matters from my parish priest when I was a Catholic.
This woman changed my life. I was remembered when I walked in the store by name, asked how things were going, and she always always had a friendly smile for me which was worth its weight in crystals alone.
I could not of run my business without her at times or could of dealt with people who I mistrusted or wanted to cast spells on daily.
Yes I think its time again to get out my spiritual jewelry without guilt, face up to ignorance in some and feel comfortable in my being me. If you own or collect rocks, walk in the woods to collect small things from nature, or feel at times that the world outside is so pretty you want to cry, then you have one of the main elements in yourself. Spirit can be the strongest of elements and letting yourself and others know it should not be a shame. Come out come out wherever you are and let yourself soar, I know I will today by wearing my pentacle.
Blessed Be.

Autumn Signs

This is that time of year when you just want to dance! Summer is gone but there is the thought of spring and all its wonders. I think we all have to settle down for a while in life and Autumn with Winter is the perfect realtionship between mother nature and ourselves. Everything must sleep and rest and this is the time.
This is also a good time of year to take advantage of cleaning out closets, washing up windows and canning. Yes I like canning. This year we made an abundance of items. Salsa, peppers, homegrown celery, squash, snow peas and of course green beans where put away.
I almost felt like I was a squirrel this year storing away! I even contimplating picking the little crab apples off the tree the other night and making jelly out of them because I had a few empty jars~
Im sick.
I also have the happiness of thought of waiting for April when my son and his fiancee get married. Things are moving along quite quickly and I have to commend Juliet for her fast pace on being able to accomplish something so hard as a wedding in such a short time. My daughter Emily is getting married in the fall as well but they have not picked a date, she may need some help.
With the thought of marriage of my children comes the hope that someday I may be a grandparent. I will be the typical grandmother I am afraid. As canning, cooking and cleaning seem to be my lot in life.
As of Sept 25th I am officially a Crone. I have passed the point of being concerned with how I look, what I say about people, and if I do get anything done or not. Let winter come, let the feast of Halloween pass and with the hope of Spring come love.

A lot to think about

Last night I got the news my son is getting married. I am very happy for him and his fiance Juliet. This is on top of the fact that my daughter Emily is also newly engaged to a man whom she met a year ago and seems to love very much. I knew that this would happen. I have 3 children born about 3 years apart.
My friends kept warning me that they would do this, and my wish to have grandchildren someday would happen probably faster than I would expect as well.
This brings in to fact that my worries are now going to be a little more, my prayer for them will be everyday and more now that they are entering into a lifetime of commitment with someone.
I officially turned into a crone last week and I feel now that speaking my mind, saying things that sometimes are not quite appropriate will be the norm.
My husband of over 30 years is worried for them as well. The economy, the world the way it is, and the challenges of everyday people makes this a time for us to reflect on when they were children and when our lives were much simpler as well.
Nick had a lot of challenges as a child. He didnt talk until he was almost 4, he had problems making friends and when he was 22 we forced him to make the move from our home. It took him a few years later to start dating and when he did he made some choices that his father and I could of lived without. I have to admit I was way more worried when he was doing this because most of the time his choices were what I was say a little less than desirable.
Then he met a girl from North Dakota. We thought this would be different and it was. Juliet is smart, fun, and compliments Nick as never before. We have watched Nick grow from a shy imature person to a real man who can make adult decisions and stick to them, and become a funny, interesting to all he knows individual.
Yes, I think this is a good thing and we are blessed to have Juliet join our family.